When Life Doesn’t Unfold the Way You Expect It
This Saturday, July 18 marks the 1-year anniversary of my mom’s passing. I’m often in awe of Father Time and how fast and slow he can move at the same time. On one hand it feels like it was just yesterday that we were getting our daily steps in together, experimenting with new recipes and talking about the latest political mishaps…as well as our spiritual pursuits. And on the other hand, it feels like it’s been an eternity since my soul was soothed by my mom’s uplifting voice, caring touch and nourishing love that could be felt from her gaze….and through her cooking.
Death brings intense grief and sadness, but also provides a profound opportunity to reflect, process and grow in a whole different way than normal. I’m grateful that I didn’t dive straight back into work after she passed away—slowing down and going inward is just what I needed. It opened me up to a lot of insights—some were new, other were things I already knew, but didn’t understand the depth of.
The first Nugget of Wisdom I shared was back in November in a piece I wrote called, Together, stronger and wiser. Since then there have been many new insights that I’ve experienced. I have been holding them close to my heart and have finally been putting words to them. For now, Nugget of Wisdom #2 is… trust the timing of your life, the divine is always on your side.
Nugget of Wisdom #2 —Trust the Timing of Your Life
What I’ve learned and continue to learn is that there are no accidents, coincidences or mistakes. Everything is divinely orchestrated…even if we don’t always understand it in the moment. My mom was hospitalized for 18 days last July. During that time my sister and I each took 12 hours shifts so that one of us could always be with her. Within days, a few of my aunts and uncles came down from Toronto to check on their sister and provide support to my sister and I. I made it a point to make sure we cooked all her food at home and brought each and every meal to the hospital. This was really important to me as I wanted her food to be filled with prayers, love and healing energy. Once my mom was in the ICU, additional aunts, uncles and cousins came from out of town. On the day she passed, she had a very special visit from our family guru, filled with grace, blessings and love. And at the moment she actually transitioned, her hospital room was packed—she was completely surrounded by all our family singing prayers to help her soul’s journey toward God. After a very moving funeral service, my sister and I were able to fly to India with two of my Uncles to perform her final rites which were also filled with so many blessings, grace and love. And, then when we returned home, we were able to gather with friends and family to help us adjust to our new reality.
If my mom had passed during our current Covid-19 pandemic, none of the above would have been possible. What I learned and am still learning is to trust the timing of life…even when we don’t rationally understand why. Everything happens for a reason. And in due time, when we’re ready, it’ll be revealed to us.
My heart goes out to all those families dealing with the passing of a loved one right now. I can only image how intense and difficult it must be—on an already heartbreaking life event. Although it does not make sense right now, when the time is right, I do believe that even this pandemic’s lessons and wisdom will be revealed to us.
Sending each of infinite love and light,
Kajal
This is a beautiful story Kajal, lovely and so well written. Thinking of you at this time of the year/ grief cycle. Love you!
Thank you Jen, coming from a very wise soul like ourself, your words mean so much to me!
Dear Kajal: I read your post with great interest. My Mom passed 3 years ago and I grieve for her everyday. My niece, who was only 40, passed two years ago and I can’t wrap my head around that one for sure. Nothing makes sense, nothing tastes sweet anymore, life will never be the same. I am sure you cry inexplicably as many of us do and sometimes things just remind us of the people we cannot hug anymore. A scent, the sunrise, a favorite food. I miss my Mom terribly and my brother and sister in law have lost their only child. Life hurts. Too much.
Dear J,
I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your mom and your niece. My heart goes out to you and your family….especially since the timing was so close to each other. I received some very heartfelt condolences when my mom passed. There was one in particular from friends that lost their 14 year old son, out of the blue in 2015.
“Grief is a difficult journey, that each person goes through alone. It can bring up many strong emotions, including anger. Be patient with yourself. Know that everything your feeling is natural. You don’t always have to be “strong. Many try to avoid the pain of grief, but this just delays it. It’s better to go through it rather than around it. I am here if you want to email or talk.”
These words were like a buoy when I was felt like I was drowning in my sea of grief—and they’ve stayed tucked in my heart ever since. Death definitely doesn’t always make sense—despite it being the one thing in life that is guaranteed for every single one of us at some point.
Grief is journey that is different for everyone…no set time limit or method for healing. A year ago I never would have imagined thinking of my mom without tears streaming down my face. But slowly I’ve been remembering her with more joy than sadness in my heart. My daily meditation practice, good friends and my gratitude practice have been key in helping me walk through my grief. I also created a journal that was dedicated to writing letters to my mom. Thankfully nothing was really left unsaid between us….but she’s always been my rock, my one true confidant…so this my way of still talking to her. In Vedic traditions, we believe the soul can never die. Instead, the body is like a pair of clothes….it eventually gets worn out and then has to discarded in order to get a new body so that the soul can continue it’s karmic journey. So I wrote my mom because I was sure she would hear my heart. The first four months, I wrote to her almost daily, then I moved to weekly and now I’m at monthly.
Do you have support and tools to help through your grief? I’m learning the scaffolding we put in place to feed our souls is what helps us most when our worlds feel like they’ve been shaken at their core. Be patient and kind to yourself.
Lots of love,
Kajal
Beautiful thank you for sharing such intimate family moments with us and the grace of timing. Many blessings ❤️
Thank you so much for you love and light, Heather!
Thank you for this wisdom! I’m a Sister of Providence and we believe that NOTHING happens by chance. The divine is with us through everything.
Blessings ….
Thank you Sister Paula Damiano, I 1000% agree with you! Thank you so much for the love, light and wisdom you bring into this world!